The same old story. Suresh went out of town to attend a conference. When he returned, all hell broke loose. The bill from a store from where he bought a saree was discovered by his wife from his shirt pocket. When confronted he admitted to having a one night stand. “I was seduced & could not resist. Most of us men do these things” was his explanation, rather justification.
Why do men have one night stand?
Believe it or not, this is a major male sexual fantasy. Men’s Health magazine survey indicates that the average male would prefer to have eighteen sex partners in his life time!
Evolutionary Psychologists are of the opinion that there may be a genetic basis. According to them “men have an evolved desire to fool around”. In any long standing monogamous relationship sexual passion dies a natural death due to sexual monotony. In such situations the fresh flesh rekindles it. This sexual high, especially for the middle aged, becomes an end in itself. The exhilaration is compounded by the thrill of a novelty.
For both men & women the one night stands may be ego boosters. For men it is a reward for the career success & achievement.
For the middle aged women it is a reaffirmation of their attractiveness.
A mute question may be “Will every man succumb a prey to the temptation when an opportunity arises?”
Anthropologist Helen Fischer in her book Anatomy of Love calls this physiology of adultery. According to her, people respond differently to novelty. Some avoid it. Some seek it out. She calls the latter as “sensation seekers”. Psychiatric research has found low levels of Monoamine Oxidase, an enzyme in the brain, in the sensation seekers.
The reason quoted by the avoiders range from “I am married” to “It is morally wrong” to “I may contract a disease”.
Research has again found that one night stands are more likely to occur when the man is under the influence of drug or alcohol and when he is in an unhappy relationship or between a divorce and the next marriage.
On the whole, one night stands are most likely to be injurious to any marriage because one of the founding pillars of the marriage Trust has been broken. Whatever reconciliation is attempted can only be like a broken mirror.
My dear men, the best way to avoid this problem is to avoid the encounter itself.